I was just talking to a friend who was experiencing a break up with a man she truly didn’t want in her future. She listed out everything she wanted in a man with me, since I prompted her to, and she soon realized that he was NOT the man that she ultimately wanted to be with. She wanted someone kind, someone with patience, someone that wouldn’t use her faults and struggles against her. A good man. And yet, she had a big issue. She was in love with this man. A man who couldn’t sustain her but yet she was with him for so long that it FELT like he was the only one for her. She told me that she had to heal and because of that she felt “fucked up”. Not because she was doing anything wrong. Not because she was the one causing herself the pain but because she had to HEAL from someone that was causing her pain. All of a sudden, she was the issue. Healing is never an option, it is a necessity.
Do you know Healing is okay?
I mean we have all been there, right? “Why am I like this?”, “If only I could…”, “What if I could just…” replays over and over again as we look at our situation, the man who loves us, and ourselves as if we were the issue all along. Now, this is not to say that you cannot be introspective and self reflective. Matter of fact, it is GOOD to be introspective and self reflective. In other words, if you feel like your ish don’t stink you better take another look. What I am saying is, hun, don’t you know it’s okay to heal? No seriously. It’s okay to cry, it’s okay to not be okay, and it’s okay to heal.
Healing For YOU is Completely Necessary
This reminds me of when I was younger and I went through pain after pain. I was homeless but working. I was beaten and bruised. I was abandoned. And yet, I never gave myself time to cry. I had to keep going. I just had to. I couldn’t look to the left or the right of me to see what the other person was doing. I was in my own lane and I was a soldier while in mine. There was no time for tears and no time to figure out my feelings. I had a therapist then, who was a God send, who often questioned me about my feelings or the lack thereof. Matter of fact, I was told that I didn’t give myself enough credit. Like what? Me? Frankly, I didn’t have time for that ish. None of it. I had to keep going and the best way to do that is what? Keep my mother flipping head DOWN and work. If I could go back and tell my younger self this, I would tell her, there is only one of you and if you don’t sit down, life will sit you down.
And that, it had. It had sat me down countless times after that. From being in the hospital to me being in programs. I was sat. Had no choice but to sit.
What I am telling YOU is, I may just be a stranger on the internet or maybe you already see me as a big sis or as a fellow comrade in this war we are facing together, but take time. Take time. Please. Not for your friends, not for your man, not for your problems, but for yourself. Ask yourself, when is the last time you truly FELT your emotions? Every last cent. Every last drop. Do you even know what you are feeling right now?
Take Your Time
Take the time to figure it out. And while we are at it, I will tell you this. I am just another woman trying to live in this world, but I know enough because of the scars I have to show for it. Literally and figuratively. If you feel like I may be someone that you wish to talk to more about whatever you are going through or just someone that you can read about who has experienced similar things to you, I recommend you subscribe.
There is more to come. Bye, my lovely.
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